Seeking an appraisal of my writing style

[Remeran]

It's just what the thread title says, I am looking for someone to give a general rating of my writing style. Not necessarily the content, but the style.

It's not anything furry in nature, it's just the head to a story I plan to write. I'm not going to type it out until someone offers to look it over when it's up, though.

So... any takers?

[Sweet Pea the Malamute]

Hi Remeran, Waves and nuzzles from a Malamute holding a pen in his paw!

I’d be more than happy to help. I write both poetry and fiction, mostly non-yiffy so far, and like to help others with their projects. I’m pretty good at looking at style and how it helps a piece move towards its goals. I like to give suggestions and comments in a constructive, friendly way. I posted one poem here so far, if you wanna see what I write like, but I'm really much sweeter than the fox in the poem!

*wags*

SP

[Remeran]

Alright, thanks. =D It's a work of fiction, almost a head to a story I'm planning.

Let me dig it up and I'll type it momentarily...

Edit: I found it. Here goes.



The wind howled as the heavens split into a torrent of rain over the gutted town. Nothing remained standing after the carnage several hours before. Buildings were naught but ash whipping about in the wind, and not a living soul remained. Man, woman, and child lay in the street. Some had tried to protect themselves, others had attempted only to flee, but all were slaughtered indiscriminately.

Far above the clouds and many miles away, a majestic ship sailed the skies. A lone man garbed in a black cloak was standing at the mast. Glancing at a small crystal held in his hand, he grimaced painfully.

"The king has raised me since I was young. I should serve with no regrets, but so much useless death for a mere stone? What has become of the king of old?" He then retreated to his cabin. The ship would land by dawn, and he wanted to be prepared for the ordeal to come. He murmured, as sleep overtook him, "I have become weak."



And, well... that's it. It's not much, and it's not too good, but...

[Sweet Pea the Malamute]

Hi Remeran, you’re style seems pretty crisp and clear to me. I got a good idea what was going on without too much excess baggage.

I tend to get writers block sometimes, wanting everything to come out perfect the first time, but find it’s better to just write what comes to mind, and edit and rearrange later. I can be my own worse critic!

I liked the atmosphere you set, and my only suggestions might be to streamline the verb tenses a bit. As an example:

"Some had tried to protect themselves, others had attempted only to flee, but all were slaughtered indiscriminately."

I might change this to:

"Some tried to protect themselves, others attempted only to flee, but all were slaughtered indiscriminately."

But not to be nit-picky, you have a vivid, clear style, and I hope to see you keep on writing. Are you just starting out. Or have you written for some time? In any event, I thought this was really good, hope to see more.

*extends a friendly paw*

SP

[Remeran]

No, it's not nitpicky at all! I had noticed the verb tense myself, but it was after I had posted it, and I wanted to leave it like I had originally written. It seemed to make more sense for you to look over the way I actually wrote it to begin with.

Well, I've "written" for several years, but I basically get a little bit done and scrap the idea. I actually have an idea where I'm going with this one, so... as far as actually writing anything for anyone else to see, this is my first.

*shakes the friendly paw*